Leaving Home to Visit Home

In less than 24 hours, I will be boarding a plane to go back to the city where I grew up and spent all of my childhood days until I graduated from high school.  Technically it is my home, my birthplace, where my family still resides…but nowadays I don’t call it home.  You see, I’m been living away from that place since I graduated from high school and have lived away from that place for a much longer time than I lived there.  Does time establish the criteria or does circumstances override it?  The last time I was back there I believe was at least a year and a half ago and even at that time, the place I used to call “home” really didn’t feel like home to me.  It’s almost as if you become a visitor to a place that has familiarity, memories, and situations of comfort and security…but only to a certain extent.  I’m excited, anxious, even a bit nervous as to how this time around will affect my emotions and experience. 

I’m also going to have an opportunity to see old schoolmates that I haven’t seen since we parted ways after high school.  I have some apprehensions about seeing people that I haven’t seen in such a long time…will I recognize them?  will I remember things that they remember?  will I be able to hold a conversation after all this time?  will there still be thoughts that come flooding back about those high school days that make me uncomfortable, angry, happy, sad?  It’s no different that when I changed schools in 6th grade.  I can still feel the anxiety rushing through my blood up to my skin.  I did not know a soul and had to assimilate very quickly into this completely new environment.  I didn’t know if I could find new friends or whether or not I could even fit into this new school.  I think once I could talk myself into giving it a chance, I became open to the opportunities that stood before me and I was finally able to meet people who have changed my life profoundly in ways that have truly made me the person I am today.  For that, I am very grateful…

Back to the home thing…perhaps I need to look at these next 10 days as another opportunity to open myself up to new adventure, new experiences, and a new way of looking at things.  Maybe the thought is that I can have 2 places I call home instead of just one?  There’s no rule against that is there?