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A Deeper Look Into Parent Engagement
This weekend I started reading a book by Joseph Califano, Jr. How to Raise a Drug-Free Kid for a number of reasons, two of which quickly come to mind: My wife and I have young children and the non-profit where I work, Blueprint Education annually serves thousands of young children. I’m only a quarter of the way into the book and immediately found information worth spreading. I find the more I research, learn and develop my personal skills I simultaneously develop my professional growth. I learned this a few years ago from Stephen Glenn in Developing Capable Young People during his lecture series helping young people gain strength in character and resiliency helped the adults in human effectiveness and well being.
If communication is the foundation in personal and professional relationships, how we communicate are the building blocks.
Communication doesn’t start when your child is seventeen; it should start when your child is three. So by the time that your child is seventeen, there’s a pattern of communication that has hopefully been going on for some time. – Dr. Ross Brower – deputy medical director of the Adolescent Development Program, Weill Cornell Medical College
The engagement facets that Joseph Califano talks about in Part I Prevent It – Take a Hands-On Approach to Parenting can in my opinion be adopted into our professional lives - albeit to some degree and will let you determine which is most appropriate to your working environment/profession.
The Nine Facets of Parental Engagement
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Be there: Get involved in your children’s lives and activities
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Open the lines of communication and keep them wide open.
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Set a good example: Actions are more persuasive than words.
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Set rules and expect your children to follow them.
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Monitor your children’s whereabouts.
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Maintain family rituals such as eating dinner together.
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Incorporate religious and spiritual practices into family life.
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Get Dad engaged – and keep him engaged.
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Engage the larger family of your children’s friends, teachers, classmates, neighbors, and community.
If you are willing to share your parenting tips, information or research, let me know, I enjoy the constant learning and accepted years ago I still have a lot to learn.
Comments
try to make freiendship with your kids.
In our fast life style we don’t have enough time to spend with our kids, even unable to present with them in some vital moment when they really need our company. As usual they feel alone and behave strangely. I think we have to be a good friend of them to minimize their loneliness. Try to communicate regularly in between your break in office.
parents as friends?
Interesting perspective, do you think parents need to be parents first? I'm a big fan of playing with my kids (Monopoly, card games, puzzles, outdoor activities) but do they really need another friend in a parent? Often I see parents trying to act like friends and loose perspective in setting clear rules, enforcing them fairly to develop the learning process for the child.
Doug Covey - CEO Blueprint Education
Friendship Between Parents and Children
Doug:
This information is very valuable and I agree with the Nine Facets of Parental Engagement. I have tried to incorporate these into the upbringing of Danielle, although I must admit that a couple of them are a little harder to achieve than others.
I also absolutely agree with beginning communication when your child is 3. Since I was a single parent from the time that Danielle was 3 weeks old until she was the age of 8 I believed that open communication would be the key to my success as a parent as well as Danielle's success in growing up and becoming the wonderful teen that she is today. A lot of times it was just her and I and I would find myself talking to her as a friend more than finding friends to talk to. I often wondered if I would suffer in the future for that, and although I sometimes wish she wouldn't talk to me about certain things, or even as much as she talks (LOL), I am very thankful that Danielle feels comfortable to talk to me about everything. Especially since she is in high school and experiencing the things kids her age are experiencing. But, at the same time, Karl and I try to set clear rules and enforce them so that she knows where her boundaries are. We also explain why we are setting these rules and what good can come from them.
I feel pretty fortunate about the way she has turned out because at 15 she could have made a lot of wrong decisions but at this point has seemed to make mostly the right decisions, with the exception of a couple of minor things.
Thanks for the blog!
open communication indeed
Sounds like your daughter is fortunate to have such parents -
Doug Covey - CEO Blueprint Education
Parents & Friendship
I think that being your child's friend is a great thing...as long as you know that friendship should always take the backseat to parenting. Sometimes the best friend you can have is one that will tell you things you NEED to hear but don't necessarily WANT to hear.
Difficult Conversations
Nice advice Shandra thanks for the response
Doug Covey - CEO Blueprint Education
Role play to make it concrete
The points in your post are valuable. We've started communicating early as well. One thing we do is role play how to respond to peer pressure and temptation. We demonstrate how to respond to specific situations. We believe in giving our kids a bit of a script in how to respond. Take for example a situation where a classmate says "Just do it...your Mom and Dad won't know". We practice how to respond to that specific situation. Our children are in early elementary school but you're right....it is important to start early.
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